Am not looking for Love

Am going to be forty soon

More than halfway down

This road of life

Or maybe

more than half way

Up!.

You say you “love” me

Want me, adore me

But I’m not looking for love.

I’m  sorry.

I’m  just looking around

For a feeling

Don’t know what its called

That allows me

to be myself in every way.

I once yearned for Love

to help me blossom

Reach for the stars

Looking back I see

A love that gave me joy

Awakened my tenderness

She also made me pretend

To be someone I’m not

Someone I don’t even want to be.

Love smothered me

Muffled my strength

Hid my mind

Curbed my interests

Defined my dreams

Fashioned my life

Took over

Consumed my passions

Leaving me

Breathless, distorted

and tired from too much deception.

No thank you darling

Don’t want that ever again

I’ve  just found myself

Am not going to surrender me

Or disappear another time.

Now tell me

Do you still “love” me,

want me, adore me?