Only now I realise

A pretty house
on broken stilts
floating in a murky river
dark shadows in deep waters
damp crumbling floors
ghosts behind doors

specters watching 

through the windows.

how does one forge a family

with a constellation 

of damaged stars
and an unmanned rocket
circling an unknown orbit.

here was no  dear husband
holding my hand
steadying my feet
guiding my gaze.
hugging me close

warming my soul

healing my wounds.

Instead

a colossal armoured tank
was hurtling my way
lethal weapons trained on me
his lost loves and shattered dreams

of families n forever streams
his bitter rage of  three decades

flying at such high speed.

Only now I realize.

For long ago foibles and ignominy

am now  to be punished with glee

I offer love and with reason plead 

both boomerang bloodied 

my arsenal of caustic barbs 

slow tears and silent screams

are just no match 

for the shifting nature
of this risky endeavor

Only now I realize

In this marital misadventure

my dearest daughter

would be waiting forever

learning to cope 

not daring to hope

for a father to own her

she must now pay the price.

Only now I realize

Only  now I realize.

Bye bye, pretty house.

Writing Poetry

  Murmurs

  heady murmurs

  pregnant with voices

  that silently shriek

  and play games

  of hide and seek.

 

 Temptation is

 the urge

 the silent desire

 of my cliche' ridden mind

 to bind and clothe

 tremulous images

 in neat and tidy

 familiar packages.

 

 Is this what it takes

 to write poetry ?

Mute struggles
with thoughts

like gentle drizzles

that dance  fleetingly

from the soul

and quietly  threaten

to make me whole ?

1989 january

Why Should You Talk To a Screaming Witch?

I was just scared

Our family would crack

You told me clearly

I was out of whack.

Distressed and  sad

I reached out

Wanting your touch

And got a rebuff

For feeling too much.

I pleaded  and begged

Let’s work as a team

You simply did not

Get what I mean.

Our once warm marriage

Lay on a freezer shelf

While you were engrossed

In a search for  yourself.

I so badly needed
Some basic compassion
to help my comprehension
of complex constellations
where myriad perceptions
and many disappointments
created festering wounds

crushed  every  hope
All I got was a sermon-

Go learn how to cope.

Seeking clarity and sanity
An end to confusion  

I raised  basic  questions
About current situations
Today's expectations
These you firmly dismissed 

As my puerile imagination
And jealous indignation
Or the rattling skeletons
Of my long dead demons.

Is there space for a wife

In your complicated life
With so many permutations
And discursive combinations
I asked in consternation
Exhausted  and snappy
You then blithely declared 

I  could never be happy.

Nerves stretched taut
Dying to be heard
I raised my voice

Changed my pitch

You then went silent

And said not a word

Why should you talk

To a screaming witch?