Only now I realise

A pretty house
on broken stilts
floating in a murky river
dark shadows in deep waters
damp crumbling floors
ghosts behind doors

specters watching 

through the windows.

how does one forge a family

with a constellation 

of damaged stars
and an unmanned rocket
circling an unknown orbit.

here was no  dear husband
holding my hand
steadying my feet
guiding my gaze.
hugging me close

warming my soul

healing my wounds.

Instead

a colossal armoured tank
was hurtling my way
lethal weapons trained on me
his lost loves and shattered dreams

of families n forever streams
his bitter rage of  three decades

flying at such high speed.

Only now I realize.

For long ago foibles and ignominy

am now  to be punished with glee

I offer love and with reason plead 

both boomerang bloodied 

my arsenal of caustic barbs 

slow tears and silent screams

are just no match 

for the shifting nature
of this risky endeavor

Only now I realize

In this marital misadventure

my dearest daughter

would be waiting forever

learning to cope 

not daring to hope

for a father to own her

she must now pay the price.

Only now I realize

Only  now I realize.

Bye bye, pretty house.